One Year...
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Today is November 23, 2009. It has been exactly 1 year since my so-called life fell apart. It has been exactly that long since my 6 year relationship with A ended.
The journey was grueling. I’ve never experienced such emotions- heartbreak, despair, grief, sorrow, pain, devastation, hopelessness, confusion, loss, betrayal, uncertainty - all at once in my life. I never even thought I’d experience heartbreak because I believed he was the one I was going to be with for the rest of my life- my first love.
For the first time, I was utterly lost. But because of my beyond wonderful fans club- I mean, support group, I have found my way.
I am forever grateful to all of you for the support you’ve shown me.
Thank you for patiently listening as I told and re-told my story a thousand times. Thank you for giving your valuable inputs as I tried to analyze every single aspect of our relationship and break up because it was the only way for me to grasp and clamor for answers and understand the situation. Thank you for your guidance, your advices, and the wisdom you imparted based on your personal experiences of heartaches and learning from them. It certainly helped make the process easier for me. Thank you for your words of encouragement, for pushing me forward. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for not allowing me to do anything stupid which I will most probably regret later. Thank you for accompanying me on nights that I needed distraction. Thank you for taking time out just to talk to me whether online, on the phone, thru text or in person. Thank you for being there when I was crying my heart out. Thank you for patting my back, hugging me, holding my hand, passing me tissue paper and handing me vodka shots (ay, ako lang pala yun!). Your mere presence was comfort enough for me. The list goes on and on on what I am grateful for. I am just truly, truly blessed to have such amazing friends. I believe that this is my karma. I know that at one point in our friendship, I have been there for you when you needed me.. and now you have been there for me when I needed you the most.
However arduous my journey was, it was also an enlightening and learning experience. I have learned:
1) To lift your sufferings to God. To depend and trust in God. To have faith that He will give what is best for you and everything will happen in His time. Prior to the break up, I thought I was close to God. But during the healing process, I became dependent on Him. God really moves in mysterious ways. I have found answers to questions that have been plaguing me since the beginning, answers which I never thought I’ll find. He also did not forsake me. You all know that my problem also involved a financial aspect and somehow, He managed to give me enough of what I need.
2) The power of prayer. I found it so cliché when people used to tell me to pray. Believe it or not, I hardly had any problems before and my prayers were always prayers of gratitude for the multitude of blessings I had in my life. I believed that when the time came that God will throw an obstacle in my path, it would be ONE TIME BIG TIME. Indeed, it was. Such was my sorrow and pain, that I believed only divine intervention could take the pain away. On January 8, as I was crying in the Blessed Sacrament, I found a copy of the novena to the Sacred Heart beside me. The novena required you to pray it 6x a day for 9 days. But my suffering was so great that I prayed it 6x a day for 7 months and through time, I realized that God is merciful and He has answered my prayers repeatedly.
3) The importance of family. My family is very close knit. We always have surprise parties and themed celebrations. We’d gather together for Sunday lunches and just chat and joke around. I have never imagined that I would rely on my family, particularly my parents, in this time. They were the ones I would turn to at 4am. I never told my lola the details of the breakup and most probably, the details she knows came from the family grapevine but I know that she prayed for my healing. My uncles and aunts were very supportive. My uncles were always willing to give me a hug. My aunts were always ready with their advice. I remember that day we all locked ourselves in a room and they listened to my story and gave advice especially at the time that I was at a loss. The advices given to me were better than the family psychologist’s AND they came for free. When it came to the financial aspect of my problem, it was my family who immediately offered to help me.
4) Love comes in different forms. I may have lost the person who I loved the most and the person who I felt most loved but after the break up, I still felt loved. I once said that I may have lost my biggest source of love but love came in different sources and forms in the form of family, friends and acquaintances. I have been touched repeatedly by their love and concern.
5) Time doesn’t just heal all wounds. You have to self-medicate. Yes, healing takes time but in order to heal, you have to help yourself. Cry as much as you want. Hide all pictures, momentos or things that remind you of him. Write. Listen to music. Talk to your friends. Listen to your friends. Don’t contact him for anything. Take up a hobby (for me, it was going out all the time!). Book your weekends with friends. Research on how to cope for a break up. Surround yourself with good people who can make you laugh. Pray. Pray harder.
6) Learning to love yourself means realizing your self- worth. When you go through a break up, you learn to be alone. You begin to rediscover who you truly are, what you love, what you want because when sometimes, when you’re in a relationship, you tend to lose that side of yourself. You tend to forget who you really are and instead, you begin to define yourself in context with your partner. But learning to be alone, and rediscovering yourself, you realize your value and know now what you deserve, what would be best for you. And you learn that the person you should love first, above all, is yourself.
7) I don’t need a man to be happy. ‘Nuff said.This stems from knowing your worth. And knowing that there are lots of men out there who will be better for you, who would want to be with you. Besides, being single is actually fun! You don’t answer to anyone but yourself. :)
8) Everything happens for a reason.- And that reason will always be for our own good. Whenever something doesn’t go my way, I always tell myself, there is a reason why this happen and I know that the reason will be revealed in its own time, when everything has fallen into place.
9) I still believe in love.- Because for all its pain and heartaches, the hopeless romantic in me believes in the magic of falling in love. True enough, I learned to love again.
10) Despite the pain caused you, it’s possible to forgive. – Perhaps the reason it is easy for me to forgive is because I prayed for hatred not to enter my heart. I also never plotted revenge though I always caught the wheels in my head turning. In the end, I wanted to come out as the better and bigger person. And now, a year later, I am stronger, wiser, smarter, more mature, more confident, and definitely, happier.
So to my dear girlfriends, I couldn't have done it without you. A big, big thank you to all of you!!! To this day, I still feel and believe that I have the best girlfriends in the world. :)
The journey was grueling. I’ve never experienced such emotions- heartbreak, despair, grief, sorrow, pain, devastation, hopelessness, confusion, loss, betrayal, uncertainty - all at once in my life. I never even thought I’d experience heartbreak because I believed he was the one I was going to be with for the rest of my life- my first love.
For the first time, I was utterly lost. But because of my beyond wonderful fans club- I mean, support group, I have found my way.
I am forever grateful to all of you for the support you’ve shown me.
Thank you for patiently listening as I told and re-told my story a thousand times. Thank you for giving your valuable inputs as I tried to analyze every single aspect of our relationship and break up because it was the only way for me to grasp and clamor for answers and understand the situation. Thank you for your guidance, your advices, and the wisdom you imparted based on your personal experiences of heartaches and learning from them. It certainly helped make the process easier for me. Thank you for your words of encouragement, for pushing me forward. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for not allowing me to do anything stupid which I will most probably regret later. Thank you for accompanying me on nights that I needed distraction. Thank you for taking time out just to talk to me whether online, on the phone, thru text or in person. Thank you for being there when I was crying my heart out. Thank you for patting my back, hugging me, holding my hand, passing me tissue paper and handing me vodka shots (ay, ako lang pala yun!). Your mere presence was comfort enough for me. The list goes on and on on what I am grateful for. I am just truly, truly blessed to have such amazing friends. I believe that this is my karma. I know that at one point in our friendship, I have been there for you when you needed me.. and now you have been there for me when I needed you the most.
However arduous my journey was, it was also an enlightening and learning experience. I have learned:
1) To lift your sufferings to God. To depend and trust in God. To have faith that He will give what is best for you and everything will happen in His time. Prior to the break up, I thought I was close to God. But during the healing process, I became dependent on Him. God really moves in mysterious ways. I have found answers to questions that have been plaguing me since the beginning, answers which I never thought I’ll find. He also did not forsake me. You all know that my problem also involved a financial aspect and somehow, He managed to give me enough of what I need.
2) The power of prayer. I found it so cliché when people used to tell me to pray. Believe it or not, I hardly had any problems before and my prayers were always prayers of gratitude for the multitude of blessings I had in my life. I believed that when the time came that God will throw an obstacle in my path, it would be ONE TIME BIG TIME. Indeed, it was. Such was my sorrow and pain, that I believed only divine intervention could take the pain away. On January 8, as I was crying in the Blessed Sacrament, I found a copy of the novena to the Sacred Heart beside me. The novena required you to pray it 6x a day for 9 days. But my suffering was so great that I prayed it 6x a day for 7 months and through time, I realized that God is merciful and He has answered my prayers repeatedly.
3) The importance of family. My family is very close knit. We always have surprise parties and themed celebrations. We’d gather together for Sunday lunches and just chat and joke around. I have never imagined that I would rely on my family, particularly my parents, in this time. They were the ones I would turn to at 4am. I never told my lola the details of the breakup and most probably, the details she knows came from the family grapevine but I know that she prayed for my healing. My uncles and aunts were very supportive. My uncles were always willing to give me a hug. My aunts were always ready with their advice. I remember that day we all locked ourselves in a room and they listened to my story and gave advice especially at the time that I was at a loss. The advices given to me were better than the family psychologist’s AND they came for free. When it came to the financial aspect of my problem, it was my family who immediately offered to help me.
4) Love comes in different forms. I may have lost the person who I loved the most and the person who I felt most loved but after the break up, I still felt loved. I once said that I may have lost my biggest source of love but love came in different sources and forms in the form of family, friends and acquaintances. I have been touched repeatedly by their love and concern.
5) Time doesn’t just heal all wounds. You have to self-medicate. Yes, healing takes time but in order to heal, you have to help yourself. Cry as much as you want. Hide all pictures, momentos or things that remind you of him. Write. Listen to music. Talk to your friends. Listen to your friends. Don’t contact him for anything. Take up a hobby (for me, it was going out all the time!). Book your weekends with friends. Research on how to cope for a break up. Surround yourself with good people who can make you laugh. Pray. Pray harder.
6) Learning to love yourself means realizing your self- worth. When you go through a break up, you learn to be alone. You begin to rediscover who you truly are, what you love, what you want because when sometimes, when you’re in a relationship, you tend to lose that side of yourself. You tend to forget who you really are and instead, you begin to define yourself in context with your partner. But learning to be alone, and rediscovering yourself, you realize your value and know now what you deserve, what would be best for you. And you learn that the person you should love first, above all, is yourself.
7) I don’t need a man to be happy. ‘Nuff said.This stems from knowing your worth. And knowing that there are lots of men out there who will be better for you, who would want to be with you. Besides, being single is actually fun! You don’t answer to anyone but yourself. :)
8) Everything happens for a reason.- And that reason will always be for our own good. Whenever something doesn’t go my way, I always tell myself, there is a reason why this happen and I know that the reason will be revealed in its own time, when everything has fallen into place.
9) I still believe in love.- Because for all its pain and heartaches, the hopeless romantic in me believes in the magic of falling in love. True enough, I learned to love again.
10) Despite the pain caused you, it’s possible to forgive. – Perhaps the reason it is easy for me to forgive is because I prayed for hatred not to enter my heart. I also never plotted revenge though I always caught the wheels in my head turning. In the end, I wanted to come out as the better and bigger person. And now, a year later, I am stronger, wiser, smarter, more mature, more confident, and definitely, happier.
So to my dear girlfriends, I couldn't have done it without you. A big, big thank you to all of you!!! To this day, I still feel and believe that I have the best girlfriends in the world. :)
